A light parody of @hamiltonmusical’s “What Comes Next” as sung by Moses in Number 32

They say
The land of Transjordan’s a place that they’re happy to stay
Insane
Zimri sleeps with that wench, now you’re stance is you’re going to stay
I’m so blue
I thought that we had an arrangement
40 years to the day
You were mine to keep true
Well, even despite God’s denouncement, I’ve got
A small sh’eila for you:

What comes next?
You’ve been freed
Do you know how hard it is to lead?

You’re on your own
Awesome. Wow
Are you abandoning your brothers now?

Rivers split
Empires fall
It’s much harder when it’s all your call

All alone, across the sea
When your people say they hate you, don’t
Ask me about monarchy

Da da da dat da dat da da da
Tor-ah-ah
Da da dat
Da-yeinu-da…

It’s Canaaaan

Advertisements

“Sufganiyot” to the the tune of Selena Gomez’s Same Old Love

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Sufganiyot” to the the tune of Selena Gomez’s Same Old Love

Throw away that sweet, fried dough

You can’t get that through your head, I know
I’ll eat just one more, at least a million times
I’m trying a sane diet, you know
I do believe, I just won’t eat it
Maccabbees, confectionary
Victoriously, I have to leave
Right now, ‘ow
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, so delish they bulk me up
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, my body’s had enough
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, BMI heading off the chart
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, this much oil clogs your heart
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]
I’m just spinning all the time, burning off each one of you
You know, That miracle
In these days at that time
Is one I’ll be celebrating too, you know
I do believe, I just won’t eat it
Maccabbees, confectionary
Victoriously, I have to leave
Right now, ‘ow
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, so delish they bulk me up
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, my body’s had enough
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, BMI heading off the chart
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, this much oil clogs your heart
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]
I’ll fry up a batch, sufganiyot [4x]
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, so delish they bulk me up
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, my body’s had enough
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, BMI heading off the chart
I’m so sick of sufganiyot, this much oil clogs your heart
Oh, (sufganiyot) [2x]

“Chanukah” to the tune of Demi Lovato’s “Confident”

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

“Chanukah” to the tune of Demi Lovato’s “Confident”

(Maccabees?)

It’s time for us to stand up
Ignite the lights right now
I’m gonna count up
Sanctity goes up not down
Dreidel is my game
And the time will come to play

I used to hold my Maccabee back
Now it’s coming through
We each have one voice
Sing haneirot hallalu
So turn the lights off
Light menorah for 8 days

Ma’oz Zur, Rock of Ages
Mi yimalel gets me every time
Haters saying Chanukah is overrated
Rated, rated, rated

Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)

It’s time to spin the dreidel
C’mon gimmel land up
‘Cause this is my house
And I’m spinning tops
And you can spin too
But it’s my gelt trip tonight

The game isncomplicated
Celebrating miracles of this time
Youll eat chocolate and latkes til youre sated
sated sated sated

Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? 
(I dont know)

Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)

Miraculous oil wasnt abated
Tyranny was denigrated

Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)
Whats better than, whats better than
What’s better than Chanukah? (I dont know)

Maccabees, to tune of X Ambassadors’ “Renegades” (draft)

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Maccabees, to tune of X Ambassadors’ “Renegades” (draft)

Way back in BCE
Brave souls, the Maccabees 
Fighting hard against tyranny
Freedom’s incendiary*                        *4 syllable pronunciation “inSENjary”
And I say
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
demonstrate, against hate
Long live the maccabees
Rebels against tyranny
Shine forth and make it clear
False night will disappear
And I say
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
Demonstrate, against hate
(musical interlude)
All help the underserved
All help the misfits
Come fight injustice
Worldwide or within us
It’s our time to light the light
It’s our time to defy trends
It’s our time for miracles
Let’s begin
And I say
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
Ney, ney-ay-ays
bizman hazeh bayamim ha hem
Demonstrate, against hate
 

 

II Samuel 12, David’s apology, to Ariana Grande’s “One Last Time”

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I gave in to desire
I know I should’ve fought it
And if I’m being honest

Feel like a failure

‘Cause I know that I failed you
I should’ve served you better
and now my fate is dire
And I know, and I know, and I know
I owe You everything
But, God, I didn’t give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That You judge everything
And I am nothing here, before You
dear God please
תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִ-שֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין
forgive me
I promise, תפתח לבי I’ll pour out my soul
Hashem I am here with a broken heart
And my head falls down upon my arms
dear God please
I need to be the king You call Your own.

I don’t deserve it
I know I don’t deserve it
But please grant me atonement
I swear I’ll work to earn it
Can’t you forgive me?
My kingdom eternally
I know that this is my fault

I should’ve been less sinful
And I know, and I know, and I know
I owe You everything
But, God, I didn’t give it to You
And I know, and I know, and I know
That You judge everything
And I am nothing here before You
dear God please
תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִ-שֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין
forgive me
I promise, תפתח לבי I’ll pour out my soul
Hashem I am here with a broken heart
And my head falls down upon my arms
dear God please
I need to be the king You call Your own. (חַטָּאתִי נגדי תמיד)
I know I should’ve fought it
And if I’m being honest
 (yeah)
But please grant me atonement
I swear I’ll work to earn it
‘Cause I don’t want to be without You
dear God please
תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִ-שֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין
forgive me
I promise, תפתח לבי I’ll pour out my soul
Hashem I am here with a broken heart
And my head falls down upon my arms
dear God please
I need to be the king You call Your own.
One last time
I need to be the one upon Your throne

II Samuel 12 based on #Tswift and #KendrickLamar’s “Bad Blood”

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

‘Cause, David, now we got bad blood

I made you king of Israel and Judah
So take a look what you’ve done
‘Cause, David, you’ve just spilled blood

Hey

[Verse 1 – Kendrick Lamar:]

I can’t turn time back, look where I’m at
I was OG like GOD, remember that?
My TLC was OPB*, ID’d her facts
Now POV from roof was you sitting in a bath
Didn’t love you, but I had to, just meet, then take you
Quick beats of a dark heart, dark plotline, then replace you
Overnight then erase you,
love did not figure, I should have feared God more
then your message made things discrete no more

[Pre-Chorus – Taylor Swift:]
Oh, it’s so sad to

Think about the good times
Monarchy

[Chorus – Taylor Swift:]

‘Cause, David, now we got bad blood
I made you king of Israel and Judah
So take a look what you’ve done
‘Cause, David, you’ve just spilled blood
Hey
Now you’ve got problems
 God had to send the prophet Natan
You really, really messed up
 David, now sword will spill kin’s blood
[Verse 2 – Kendrick Lamar:]
Remember when I took battle time off?
Remember when my sin led to military loss?
Don’t you remember?
I thought that I would relax
Ignore procedure
remember?
Oh wait cred I’d seize too
It was my season for battle wounds, battle scars
Baby bump ooh
Sword to the back; Uriah,
fired from the roof
Still, took his wife, I got money and power
But I gotta live with the bad blood now
Pre-Chorus – Taylor Swift:]
Oh, it’s so sad to

Think about the good times
Monarchy

[Chorus – Taylor Swift:]

‘Cause, David, now we got bad blood
I made you king of Israel and Judah
So take a look what you’ve done
‘Cause, David, you’ve just spilled blood
Hey
Now you’ve got problems
 God had to send the prophet Natan
You really, really messed up
 David, now sword will spill kin’s blood

[Bridge – Taylor Swift (Kendrick Lamar):]

Sorries don’t fix arrow holes
You’re sorry, can’t let this go
When Saul ruled like that, he lived with ghosts

(God forgives, you will live but the baby has to go)

Sorries don’t fix arrow holes
You’re sorry, can’t let this go
When Saul ruled like that, he lived with ghosts
Since you ruled like this blood comes to blows

[Chorus – Taylor Swift:]

‘Cause, David, now we got bad blood
I made you king of Israel and Judah
So take a look what you’ve done
‘Cause, David, you’ve just spilled blood
Hey
Now you’ve got problems
 God had to send the prophet Natan
You really, really messed up
 David, now sword will spill kin’s blood

[Chorus – Taylor Swift:]

‘Cause, David, now we got bad blood
I made you king of Israel and Judah
So take a look what you’ve done
‘Cause, David, you’ve just spilled blood
Hey
Now you’ve got problems
 God had to send the prophet Natan
You really, really messed up
 David, now sword will spill kin’s blood
    [*Other People’s Batsheva]

Seder Pesach — to the tune of “Glad you Came” (Wayback Wednesday post)

Click to play first part of Seder Pesach to Glad You Came

Kadeish,Urchatz,Karpas Yachatz
Maggid,Rachtzah Motzi-Matzah
Maror, Koreikh, Shulkhan Oreikh,
Tzafun, Bareikh,
(Hallel Nirtzah)

You have a story tell me, tell me
It begins in Egypt in misery, misery
And if we weren’t freed we’d still feel slavery, slavery
So let’s go through the haggadah sequentially, you and me.
Bring the ke’ara out now
There’s so much meaning
Begin with the first cup
Drink it while you lean
Now you wash both your hands
hand me something spring green
Into salt water dip
Depend on me, I can break
Break yachatz, this way

Kadeish,Urchatz,Karpas Yachatz
Maggid,Rachtzah Motzi-Matzah
Maror, Koreikh, Shulkhan Oreikh,
Tzafun, Bareikh,
Hallel Nirtzah

You have a story tell me, tell me
It begins in Egypt in misery, misery
ma nishtana you ask from memory, curiosity
So let’s discuss dvarim, arami oved avi
Turn to shevach now
Now we’re leaving hand in hand
Hands off the second drink
First comes exultation

You can wash one more time,
Time we didn’t have that day,
Pharoah tried to make us stay,
we fled when matzah baked,
Marror recalls that pain

Kadeish,Urchatz,Karpas Yachatz
Maggid,Rachtzah Motzi-Matzah
Maror, Koreikh, Shulkhan Oreikh,
Tzafun, Bareikh,
Hallel Nirtzah

(Music…) Sandwich of fame
(Music…) Hillel was his name
(Music…) meal finally came
(Music…) afiku minim
We say birkat
Then God we praise
We sing and sing
Until the sun’s first rays
L’shana ha-ba b’yerushalayim
I’m glad you came
So glad you came